So I get all of these automated news notifications on my cell phone, and I see something come in trending on Quora.com, and I see in the subject line it’s about toilet paper.
I go to read the posted question, and it is some jackass that actually had the pure unmitigated BALLS to get on and say, “I went to Costco to return toilet paper, and they refused to take it back and give me a refund. I don’t understand what the problem is, but why won’t they take it back? Has anybody else had this issue?” Let me tell you something, you should have seen the answers. And my answer to them was no different.
The size of the BALLS. And I mean they asked this question all innocent like, like they actually COULDN’T understand what the problem was. The answers ranged from, “Do you really need to ask this question ?!”to, “Well, I guess health codes don’t allow you to return it?” And finally, somebody said, “I can’t even believe that you have to ask this question…”
One person said more or less, “The NERVE of you! You hoarded the damn toilet paper, probably spent all your money figuring you could turn a buck or to reselling it at a ridiculous price. And then you couldn’t. Probably got shut down, like that other jackass who took all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer and is now facing some insane fines for doing it! And now he is lost his Amazon store, and pretty much his livelihood and way of feeding his family.”
Other people who were much more reserved and wouldn’t speak ill of anyone strongly suggested donating to churches and schools so they could distribute to those in need. And quite a few more said, “Why would you return it, now you just won’t have to buy any for a year or 10. Not like it doesn’t have a shelf life.” Others told them to keep it in their garages, attics and or basements so that the rats could make beds in them.
Lemme tell you something…
Error 357: Fucks Not Found
The day of lockdown, I wasn’t able to get to a store, and by the time I did, THERE WAS NOT A SINGLE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER!!!! FOR 6 FREAKING WEEKS I COULDN’T GET ANY TOILET PAPER!!! FOR 4 WEEKS I COULDN’T GET A SINGLE BOTTLE OF EVEN REGULAR HANDSOAP, let alone disinfecting hand soap! Sanitizer? Not even one since before March 14th.
I’m really sorry guys, but Error 357:
FUCKS NOT FOUND!!!
I CAN’T FIND A SINGLE FUCK, NEITHER FLYING NOR STATIONARY, TO GIVE!!!
I had PAPER TOWELS. Read: SANDPAPER, for toilet paper. I have NO sympathy for these assholes! They hoarded, pillaged and raped the stores for this stuff to resell at a profit, and now they need money to eat and have none. How’s that toilet paper tasting NOW, jackass??? A little dry? Why not wash that down with some of that yummy gin scented hand sanitizer? Oh, you’re constipated? NO PROBLEM! Just chug some of that liquid hand soap!!! See? Easy peasy, problem solved!!!
DEAL WITH IT!!!!